Happy Labor Day you lovely people....

As I was catching up on some Board gossip and drama, I found this post, which I found hilarious and somewhat VERY true.  A hobbyist complained that most escort ads are either downright false or misleading, and then he does us all the favor of decoding the ads.

Enjoy!

BBW = fat
Voluptuous = fat
Curvy = fat
Curvaceous = fat
Thick = fat
Rubenesque = fat
Womanly = fat
Gives bra size only? = fat
Busty = either saggy or fat
Naturally busty = saggy and fat
Real woman = saggy, fat and ugly

Slim = no boobs
Svelte = no boobs
Slender = no boobs
Dancer's body = no boobs

Bombshell = fake boobs
Baywatch = fake boobs
Playboy = fake boobs
Model = fake boobs

Brazilian = black
Caramel = black
Chocolate = black
Cuban = black
Ebony = black
Egyptian = black
Ethiopian = black
Exotic = black
Hawaiian = black
Mocha = black
Mulatto = black
Nubian = black
Mixed = black

Mature = old
Courtesan = old
Gracious = old
Refined = old
Elegant = old
Classic = old

Age = generally add a few years, here are some frequent exceptions:
College Student = late 20's
Just turned 18 = mid 20's
19 = possible jailbait
21 = late 20's
28 = late 30's

Intelligent = brunette
Sorority Girl = blonde
Selective = overpriced
Exclusive = very overpriced
Classy = can't afford lingerie
Freaky = doesn't shower between clients
Upscale = snooty personality
All American = trailer trash
Princess = I have an attitude problem
Las Vegas = Bellagio prices, Motel 6 service
coed = plain looking with acne problem
girl next door = looks like the boy next door
Goddess = If you believe this is me in the pictures...
Real Doll = Bubba brings you an inflatable doll, no refunds
Energetic = methamphetamine addict
Down to earth = boring
College graduate = sleeps with professors
open minded = openly accepts tips

New to business = changed name
New to area = changed name and moved across town

Up to an hour = 1 shot and she's gone.
Discreet = I check your ID
Discrete = I can't spell
Advance notice required = you'll never get a hold of me
Seeks generous gentleman = robs the elderly
Seeks generous businessmen = robs out-of-towners
Once in a lifetime experience = you won't repeat
I love what I do = I'm desperate for clients.
Satisfaction guaranteed = I guarantee I'm getting your money
Available 24/7 = my pimp never sleeps

what an ad DOESN'T say, is also a source of information. Unless specified, you can assume:
hair color = brown
hair length = to shoulder
eye color = brown
age = mature
height = short
weight = heavy
cup size = small
measurements = large

BE FOREWARNED!!