Written by: Norma Jean Almodovar, Executive Director, COYOTE LA/SC
OTHER WAYS TO POSSIBLY AVOID GETTING ARRESTED
Sometimes, it seems as though for some women in the sex industry, their worst enemy is themselves. Without realizing it, they allow the people in their orbit to become the means that destroys them. By behaving in a certain way, they give their friends, neighbors, lovers and relatives the opportunity to report them to the police and thereby risk getting arrested. Here are some common mistakes to avoid- and thereby avoid making your friends, neighbors, boyfriends and even your fellow sex workers, jealous or angry at you and turning you in.
CLIENTS
It has happened in the past that clients have turned in the sex worker they see. If they feel they are getting cheated out of time or money, they might feel it is okay to report you to the police. Be sure that you treat all clients in a fair and reasonable manner. If you think they are cheating you out of money, tell them to their face rather than try to get even by shorting them on time or taking money out of their wallet while they shower.
FRIENDS & NEIGHBORS
Because you are in a profession that can net you a larger than average income, it is easy for those who have to work far more hours for less income to become jealous of the things you have. It is especially important to if take time to sooth their feelings and turn them into allies rather than enemies. If you don't want to tell your friends what you do for a living, that is understandable. Many people are uptight about their own sexuality and can be very critical of you if you have ditched your hang-ups. In the past, some well meaning 'friends' and family members have actually turned in their prostitute friends and relatives to the police when they discover what their friend does for a living. If they are unable to persuade their friend to leave the business, they may mistakenly think that by turning them in to the police, they are saving their friend from a life of degradation and pain. Their misguided intervention can ultimately destroy your life, so it is understandable that some of us try to keep our lives hidden from our non-sex industry friends and family. By living a double life, some women are able to keep these friends from discovering their secret.
However, if they discover your profession by accident, you should be ready to discuss it openly and honestly with them. By hedging, you lead them to think the worst about your career, and they may develop a "Good Samaritan" complex and want to 'help' you by calling the police. Assure them that you don't have a big, mean pimp who is forcing you into this business and taking all your money, and that you always practice safesex, etc.
Be the best neighbor on your block or in your building. Go out of your way to be friendly to your neighbors. Be pleasant. Exchange Christmas cards or even gifts with those who are living the closest to you. It is more difficult for someone to dislike you if they see you as a nice person.
If your clients visit you at your home, be sure they know which door to come to so that they don't end up knocking at your neighbor's door. This can be annoying at any time of day, but particularly if they are sleeping and someone comes knocking and asks for you at three in the morning. Not only will they get upset that their sleep was interrupted, but they may wonder why you are having company at that time of night. If there is a problem, be sure that you speak to them the next day and apologize for the rude behavior of your friends. Smoothing ruffled feathers goes a long way to keeping them out of your business.
If you have a boyfriend, even if he knows about your work, it's important to be sure he doesn't feel insecure about your relationship with him. [If he doesn't know about your work, be very careful what you tell him you do. Sometimes they want to surprise you at the job where you say you work, but, if you are not there, they become suspicious.] If he does know about your work, it is helpful to talk about how he feels about it and not dismiss his feelings as unimportant.
If he does not know about your work, it is a tough call whether or not to be honest with him and tell him. If you think there is not a chance in the world that he will find out, then maybe you can get away with not telling him. But if you expect to have a long relationship with him or even get married, it is a possibility that your past may crop up eventually, and he may feel that you were dishonest by not telling him. This may threaten your relationship permanently, but then, so can be honest about it. It takes a very secure man to be able to handle knowing about the work we do. This is why is is difficult for many women to establish long term relationships with a man, unless she first meets him as a client or has been in a secure relationship prior to entering the profession.
Someday, when society grows up and gives our profession the respect it deserves, perhaps it will make it easier for sex workers to enter into long term committed relation |
